My rant to no one

First, a disclaimer.

Characters in this text are a work of fiction, every resemblance with real life characters in any media or rave party is pure coincidence. No real drugs were consumed in the writing of this blog.

I have this friend. Ever since I knew him back in Secondary school, we've been getting into all sorts of trouble. Like the time we got our school bags stolen at the arcade (by the coin changer, no less). Throughout all this time, I get really spaced out talking to him, cos it's always such a surreal experience.

I suppose in a way, it was natural for him to gravitate towards more surreal experiences, thus his love of mind-altering chemicals. It's not that he takes alot of it (although, by no means is he below-average, per se), but just that he gets higher than most people.

So anyway, at the Global Gathering in Melaka about a month back, Me and my friend (let's call him Mr. Woodstock for now)took some stuff. After about a half hour, i started noticing he was losing himself, so I offered to go get him some water.

I was gone five minutes and when I came back with two bottles of (RM10!) water, I passed a bottle to him and he looked at me with a blank, somewhat concerned expression and said,

"How long were you gone, man?"

"WTF dude, I was gone like 5 minutes, tops"

"No way man... it was like an eterniiity..."

At that moment, he gets an SMS from some of our other friends layaning some other DJ nearby.

"Eh, [CENSORED] just messaged la... they said they at Godskitchen. I go join them!"

"How you gonna get there?" I asked. Yes, I was a bit out as well.

"I FLyyyYYyyyyy!!", Mr Woodstock enthusiastically replied, followed by 10 seconds of hyper-hyper dancing, and tripping and falling to the ground, spilling most of the water i just bought for him.

At this point, I realised that capturing what he said throughout the night would be FUCKIN hilarious later. I started writing everything he said into notes on my phone, so here are a few choice ones in no particular order.

• "Chak, you are an alien right?"
• "Where are we? *pause a minute or two* Are we at Woodstock?"
• "I'm really disoriented. I wanna see Jesus"
• "I have entered the fifth dimension! I'm on a mission but i don't know what mission..."
• "I'm on a spaceship. Alien no need visa right?"

Of course, a few weeks after that, he bumped into my friend at Zouk. this was her experience. (Real names have been removed to protect the identities of those involved incase their parents or spouses read this blog.)

[Mr. Woodstock] msged me what time are we going to Zouk *after dinner at DJ*, so yeah, i told him we're leaving soon. And he replied "Cool beans. Sms me, I meet you outside" Ok cool...
...at Zouk after meeting up and stuffs and he proceeded back to Loft to party with his friends...Oh at this point he look pretty high ady with the face blushing red..

Moments later... He msged "Would you still be able to get my male totally hetero friend in to the main room still? Its ok if u can't, no worries. Almos dun drink here aka cool here ba ba ali baba black sheep and mint sauce"

*scratches head at this point*

Nvm... I told him yeah no problem and he replied "Ok, i sms you when i annex emo down the stairs" HUH??!!! He also msg me "I will join you guys soon on the space ups" K...i went out to meet him and he wasn't walking right or even standing right. Brought him to Velvet, coz i meet a friend who's drunk and wants us to drink with him. He gave us a bottle to drink from it. *Black Label* [Mr. Woodstock] without any hesitation down it few seconds. And then to mainroom....

Party party party... [Mr. Woodstock] started talking things we can't hear or decipher. But we caught two lines. First would be "Where is my anthem ar?" *Its Global Anthem night but what anthem was he referring to? I dunno*
Second line is "Eh, are they going to play Sandstorm?"
...[Mr. Woodstock] walks around in circles around the club on his own. And we were actually surprised that his male instinct told him to stay away from this potential GAY Ang moh who was like dancing and hugging ppl around. [Mr. Woodstock] actually walked away from that AM and sat the other part of the club and watch us blankly.
We left the club early...and we were berlepaking outside. And i got another msg from [Mr. Woodstock]. This time..i'm lost for words.

"Hey rosy sorry elstnyest fantes flower i juryt leakyadedu bettbeat i l8trt l8trt just left going home know how u guys party hard and partx reed safe going to genting Ooo now to est luck with wish new me luck happy bday bro good luck go in yr future undertigmi under takings go easy on the stuff fringog frolini drink and drive now not cool but its ok if u lard have a good poker able babebabe baba face stufcews steady only jail lah. No worries if u play cool and just billi chill out and eat rode some lok lok err esp the arab crab sticks can go to jalan ipoh for dim sum and eat the chicken legs pockets snakes soak in rice wine and biblen chicken porridge with beef ball and 100 pluts for drink of chicken legs soak in rice wine and caviaseedededf"

Ok...i feel damn high typing that too now....

Kids, say no to drugs.

# posted by chak @ 8:53 PM 0 comments

Ok, stop procrastinating and do your damn blog entries!

Sorry, been talking to myself alot lately. Must be a side effect of being self-employed.

Anyways, about a month (or two) ago, I went up to Fraser's with my parents just for a day. It's been years since i took a hol with my parents, and that's part of the reason that i agreed to it. The other part is that I wanted another opportunity to drive my convertible in cold weather. heh.

I have to say, I didn't regret it tho. Frasers is still gorgeous. I had alot of fond childhood memories there, and I am, by nature a sentimental person, so it was a nice relaxing weekend with a tinge of nostalgia.

In fact, I'm thinking of organising another trip up here, with a bunch of friends. Stay and eat in a nice bungalow, bring up some basic entertainment (Xbox, cards, mahjong set for the ladies, booze), and just spend the weekend bonding and doing nothing.

It was the beginning of puasa month up there, so the entire place was deserted. This is the old clock tower in the center of town, with Puncak Inn in the background.

the road down to the infirmary. I remember they had this HUGE frog in a jar. The frog was about 2 feet tall (if my memory serves me right)!

the old clubhouse, where me, Kevin, SK, SH and Alex used to spend RM2 each (budget slowly over two hours) on Superman and Gemini Wings in the arcade. One place i forgot to take a picture of was the old skating rink in the playground. they still rent skates there! but unfortunately it was closed cos of Puasa season i guess. The mini-golf course was still there tho, so I had a round of mini-golf there with my dad with all these little indian kids standing around cheering for us.

Of course i won :)

Bungalow Jerantut - what used to be an ICI bungalow that me and my cousins would go to twice a year, sit  by the fireplace and play stupid games. I remember the currypuffs during tea they serve here used to be kickass.

Family picture in our boring old condo. Monkeys stole our steamboat stuff somemore. Wish we had stayed in a nice comfy Tudor bungalow...

...and another picture in a different angle, just to let my dad be creative.

Ye olde smokehouse, our last stop before heading down the next day. Was actually a bit sad. My car does look quite the happening in front tho :)

inside the smoke house. Very bri-ish.

Outside the smokehouse. Isn't this just grand? Would love to come here with someone soon, and just shoot the breeze... mmmm...

An ENORMOUSE and unbelievably tangled tree in the smokehouse garden! It was almost out of a fantasy novel. For reference to size, check out the benches at the bottom.

We got ourselves a nice airy room inside, with windows all around, but unfortunately the tranquility would be ruined every ten minutes or so with a flush cos we were next to the toilet. It was also sorta my birthday lunch, so my parents bought me something i haven't had since i was a kid. And i think the last time i had it was here too. BOMB ALASKA!

Bomb Alaska's actually a big big puffy meringue type pastry with ice cream inside, but then they pour heated XO on top of it just before they serve it. Ice cream, XO, Bomb Alaska... geddit?

Looks like an amoeba.

WahahAHAHAHAAHA... BURN THE AMOEBAAAAA!!!

my sister doesn't seem to share my enthusiasm.

yay!

Anyways, it was a good trip down memory lane, and I'd definitely want to come back again real soon. If you're interested, lemme know!

# posted by chak @ 5:16 PM 0 comments

1. Going on holiday with your family ain't so bad.

2. Fraser's Hill still rocks, but in a very different way from when you're a kid...(more on this later)

3. Having a convertible is cool (I don't care what you say).

4. I am blessed with some of the best friends in the entire universe of sentient beings.

5. I am in business with the right people (Group HUG EVERY ONE!!! Group HUGGGG!)

6. Some things that appear like cults to you at first, might actually be quite cool. However, when you tell other people about it, you are still in danger of looking like a cultist.

7. I have very few regrets these days.

8. Taichi aunties can restore your faith in humanity, and it's especially apropos if it happens on your birthday.

9. I am a sentimental twat... *sniff*

10. People only do these existential type lists when they are feeling happy happy, or sad sad.

I turned 28 today, and it's been one of the best birthdays I've had in many years. Sometimes, the big man upstairs knows when you need a lil boost, and occasionally, he's kind enough to give it to you. I can honestly tell you that as i was driving back today, having covered almost all the aspects in my busy little life in a short 24 hours, I felt content. Contentment is a very short-lived feeling, but when it comes, you should ride it for all it's worth, and try to think of a way of remembering the way you felt. Thus the post. Now, before I forget...

To-do list

• Be more decisive
• Learn to appreciate your friends more
• Learn to love your parents again
• Seek a proper relationship
• Wake up earlier
• Live healthier (less smokes, more exercise, a little bit less pork fat)

I know it's tough, cynical-Chak of tomorrow morning, but that's why i'm writing this now. Happy birthday, you stupid twat :)

# posted by chak @ 12:44 AM 4 comments

I think this is only the 2nd youtube video i've ever forwarded, but since i know this guy personally, I'll make my 2nd exception.

i played with Zack during a college gig about 6-7 years back, and we did a rocking version of Jingle Bells - yea, juevenile compared to what he's doin now. The guy is bloody amazing.

And the first youtube video i ever forwarded was this one. No, i don't know her, but damn if that isn't the cutest thing i've ever seen.

# posted by chak @ 11:12 PM 0 comments

On to my second business book now, after the mildly disappointing Freakanomics. This one's actually pretty damn good so far.

At the time that i bought this, i had the strongest urge to buy a Batman comic with this kinokuniya voucher i got from one of my training sessions at the office (back when i was still in my 9-to-5), but decided on a proper business book since i was about the venture out on my own.

But this one caught my eye precisely because it wasn't a "proper business book". Instead of telling you how to succeed, it tells you that the most important thing is to find out what success is to you. It's that age-old adage of "doing what matters to you", but putting it in ways that feel comfortable, and not too far-reaching for normal ex-editors to consume.

I sincerely believe that if everyone in Malaysia (or the world)read this book, it would be a much more pleasant place to be in. It's one of the arguments i have with SK all the time. About not letting money run your life.

The real awakening for me was when i found out how much my uncle (mum's youngest brother) earned. RM4k a month. He lives in Rawang with his wife and two kids, and he's the happiest uncle i have. twice as fun as anyone on my dad's side (refer to previous post).

Heck, i was already earning that, with no one to support but myself.

Another revelation followed a year later when i was talking to my friend J while having a ciggy outside his house in Taman Megah. J's a programmer, so he was telling me about how he was working on a project for a certain Malaysian holdings company and  found out how much their CEO makes every month.

"fuck man, it's insane wei... he earns RM150,000 every month!"

"whoah"

"ya man. It's damn nuts wei. Imagine what you could buy with that kinda money"

"yea man"

"...financial independence man, that's what it's all about"

...

"you reckon?"

"yea.."

"You think he's any happier than we are here talking cock and smoking?"

And that's when it reinforced the idea that i will never join the rat-race, or pursue the hopeless quest for material stuff. So for all the ladies who don't dig poverty-stricken, tree-hugging, and extremely charming chubby chinese guys, let me know beforehand, and I'll wear that one ZARA shirt i have that makes me look thinner, on our first date.

Actually, the more i think about it, the more i'm starting to think that my true passion is still writing and entertaining in general. Luckily, it is part of the dotcom business that i'm going into.

Still, i'd like to retire into being a magazine contributor at some point. It's a nice idea that got stuck in my head one rainy afternoon (not while watching sex in the city - guys don't do that), and i always have a pleasant mood when i think about it.

And I do have every issue of every magazine i've ever written in, and damn if i don't get a bit teary-eyed when i look through them now.

# posted by chak @ 10:25 PM 0 comments

That's an email sent out to all of us. yes, all my dad's brothers have emails starting with Lau.

In addition, this is what his phonebook looks like...

LCH.H

LCH.M

LCK.H

LCK.M

LCW.H

LCW.M

LCM1.H

LCM1.M

LCM2.H

LCM2.M

Lemme explain. LCH.M for instance, indicates Lau Chee Hong Mobile. This is silly, because Lau Chee Hong is my dads name, but he stores it like that too -_-

H stands for house, and his brothers first and middle names are the same. LCM1 and LCM2 are twins - Lau Chee Meng and Mun.

Yes, even his own lovely son and wife are reduced to LCO.M and LAY.M.

# posted by chak @ 12:27 AM 0 comments

Well, it's been about a week and a half now, and I've gotta say - I don't really feel like i've been bumming at all.

In the past 10 days, I've

...collected 4 cheques and one wad of cash for VOs

...made an album

...been on TV

...made by way through half of Freakonomics over numerous stolen coffees by meself (slightly over-rated - the book, not the coffee)

...Finally put a silencer in my dear ol car (can only hope that by the time i'm married long enough, it'll be legal to do it with real humans)

...taken my dogs out for three walkies

...done a bang-up job of presenting to the Grant board for my billionaire dotcom idea (henceforth known simply as BDI)

...watched about 20 hours of Top Gear (which explains the new Brit slangs in today's post)

...tidied my room while watching 20 hours of Top Gear (and as such, is still a work in progress)

phew.

Yes, i've been a busy little bee. Don't even feel a tad bit like I'm bumming to be honest. Everyday, there's been something to do, even over the weekend. Whether it's driving down to Puchong to see the printers for duplication of my band's upcoming EP, or talking to myself at home with a bunch of cue cards in hand, it's been an absolutely jam-packed week n a half.

But as you've probably guessed, i'm loving every minute of it.

It's two things - the first is that everything i'm doing now, is for myself. No nameless corporation or employer is benefiting from my efforts unless i want them to - which brings me to the 2nd thing.

Everything i'm doing now, I can just say NO to.

While it's obvious that i love what i'm doing, at any given time, i can simply choose not to do anything, take a breather, have a cuppa coffee and catch up on an over-rated book. It's a great feeling to have. For the first time since i started working 6 years ago (sheesh), I'm well and truly free.

of course, it's also a bit scary since i no longer have a regular source of income, but I have to say that I'm blessed to have something like the Voice Over work I do now.

In the past ten days, I've had five jobs which netted me an approximate RM1400 (yes, better than a good looking prostitute who does ass-to-mouth). While i won't be seeing this money for a good month or three (A2M pros get cash (so i've heard)), it's comforting to know that every penny i spent isn't just a penny that's just disappeared.

So, thank you mummy, daddy and Kent for giving me a sexy voice. *Tee hee* (but smoking is still bad for your health, kids!)

I'm really taking the time to appreciate this brief calm and relative lack of responsibility in my life.

Cos soon enough, it will turn into a storm of responsibility and fear of the unknown as my BDI starts taking off.

Meanwhile, I'll just stop n smell the coffee.

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

# posted by chak @ 3:25 AM 0 comments